Thwarted at every turn, many times through heartache I have had to relearn, that my path flows not to yern for things that others have not earned.
To give my love and admiration away, to put my soul and heart on display... no I was not made as a lamb for the slay.
To say "I love you." now, is like sweet milk from a sallow cow. It coats my heart - covering my eyes like a cloud.
It is onto that cloud that I allow my mind to wander. Ponder and dream a dream of a life that could have been if only I had been let in. Of children - being much more than friends.
One can only dream, for it seems that the human heart is patient but only to a point. So much so that one comes to a joint in the road much traveled. Having to graple with the fear of never having that dreaming love held dear all these years.
So I sailed away, I was not asked to stay. Infact, many times pushed away, my lover's heart keep far at bay. A decision of self-preservation had to be made.
Searched and found one whom's love for me abound, lying wating for me as I had for thee. I could not turn away this love who had morals slain and lain open for me to wound - only get cut too soon. In this we had our respective tombs.
Now I have married. The love of me by them has carried into devotion and trust. Time, though fleeting, is just. Prior love, I made thought, to be simply my need for lust.
Having returned, over time I have finally earned my long awaited love. My dear... it is clear... my love is still here. Now, I fear I must tell the truth, I am not as dreamy as I once was in my youth. Jaded and torn, made to be the source of scorn a new me over time has been molded and born.
Dedication through helpful education and recommendation that I move on, has led me to stay by my spouse's side. For, in my lover's sallow shadow I no longer hide.
I am tempted to say, "Dream a dream of a seperate happy day. Do not follow behind me and slay desires and passion by chasing a dream that has long since gone away." Part of me, however, still wants you to stay.
So, it seems, I continue to dream a dream.